Word Vomit #1.

I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I will always feel this way. I’m afraid that achieving a normal level of functionality will always be difficult for me. I’m afraid I will always have to deal with this shit. I can’t focus on anything right now. I just feel… I feel anxious. Warm. Tight in my chest. I feel like with […]

Ten Steps Back…BPD struggles.

If I were to say “I have not been doing well for some time,” it wouldn’t be 100% true. The fact of the matter is, as with most mental illnesses, some days (or weeks) are better, and some are worse. Overall, I would have to say that in the past few months, I’ve had more “good […]

It’s been a while…

I think it’s been something like, oh, two or three weeks since I published a post, which isn’t really what I was going for when I started this blog. Initially, I just wanted a free space to work through my own thoughts and feelings, whether they were negative or positive, logical or not. I wanted to allow myself […]

BPD and a happy day (or two)

I’ve had a couple days of being generally happy, and it’s been extraordinarily sweet and lovely. The first in what feels like forever (really, it’s probably only been a couple of months). Still, there’s this voice in the back of my head telling me “you’re not completely better though, this will not last, your thoughts […]

Waiting.

When I was six, he would say “5 more minutes and I’ll be right there.” I would lie awake in bed, eager and expectant. Waiting for that bedtime story… a final tuck in… the feeling of his strong hands wrapping my tiny feet in tight little bundles of blankets and sheets. Waiting most of all, […]